User blog:Ambruh/Oh.. Just a little something, I suppose.
I don't know if I could even stick around this place if we were to lose''' her in any way, shape, or form.. It would do quite some damage to my heart, for what I hold inside me is too fragile for words. I hate to admit it, but I'm over the top sensitive and emotional about things.. and when that immense emotion builds on what I already have stored inside, I'm not even quite sure what would happen. It may send me into an unstable state of insanity, that's always a possibility. It is a genetic dysfunction that I have in my family, my brother inherited bipolar syndrome from my mother.. It started to show only when he was under a lot of stress, around the age of 17-18, then it completely consumed him.. If I had a choice to remove such a syndrome from the both of them, I would, so I wouldn't have to see them suffer any longer and on the side, I'd give myself all their problems..but I can't.. '''and I'm sorry for the kind of person I've become. I'm completely useless in your shoes... I'm the one who's lingering at the bottom of the barrel, not suffering no.. I only belong there.. and I question.. What have I done for this world that's so great that it deserves appreciation? It appears that I've completely failed my own behalf.. Every single time I try to cheer someone up, smile or not, that happiness does not stick like how it does in the ending of fairy tails, the ones that we read when we were kids. It all is an endless cycle caused by blurring lines of which I can't see as clearly anymore and all it can do is keep spinning in hope that some day the light will be filled for once. No, no one really looks into my insights as being important. I can tell you that because my family doesn't really care to listen to me cry out. Turned their own backs against me, though, I can't blame them. So I hold them ever so closely to the place I call home. Broken, I taped my heart back together day after day and I came to understand as to why they would do ignore me. So.. why, you ask? There's really no answer, I realized the difference from right and wrong. All I have ever known is that all the struggles, abuse, and mistreatment I have gone through within my early years has shaped me into becoming who am today. Never do I want to look back into those nightmares.. You eventually learn to forgive and I will only succeed to go uphill, no matter if I'm falling head first from it. These memories that I share with all you, I treasure the most.. and if they are meaningless in your eyes, if all these moments we've spent together are meaningless or hurtful, what does that say about me? Am I a living failure? Is my line of perception running dry already? Either way, say what you will. If you crushed those memories, if you've forgotten about how happy we were that one time, if you regreted ever meeting me, it's okay. I can clearly see what you choose to value. At the very least, I'm the one who is left to keep what I cherrish most deeply, which is what used to be '''our '''memories and.. I... I dearly hope to have many more. Please, ..could lift your head up... Just a little, perhaps? Category:Blog posts